SLOW HAND

For the first time in my life, I have found myself to be ahead of a popular trend, the slow food movement. Of course I didn’t know it existed until 2 weeks ago, but now that I know, I feel completely validated and totally cool. Instead of retro, I’m finally now-tro. Slow food movement. Just saying the words aloud brings images of …assisted living? Crummy service? Both of the above plus constipation? No, no. Its much more civilized than that. I mean they say it on TV, so it must be really important. In case you’re like me and had never heard the term till now, slow food movement basically means people who enjoy cooking from scratch, just like Grandma and aunt Ethyl.

Since I've always been a big eater, it only made sense that I would enjoy cooking. I never considered it unusual to hang with the ladies in the kitchen while the guys were in the other room. Lori’s mother, grandmother and other relatives taught me a number of great German recipes when we were first married. We bought quite a few cookbooks in the 80s and 90s and I mastered a number of big lumberjack recipes such as gumbo, chile, chicken and dumplings and such. Even with our successes, most of our cooking was of the processed food variety. And what family didn’t and doesn’t go through this? The kids and career take up more time than you have to begin with, and cooking anything at all seemed like a victory. By necessity, our meals were quick and easy to clean up. We usually cooked for fun on the weekend but didn’t progress all that far.

But then Food TV came along and I became an instant addict. I think the one thing all guys have in common is loving to watch other guys work. Whether he’s pulling a transmission, building a cabinet or braising a roast, watching a pro wield his tools is just hypnotic. I’m sure somehow on some level it’s a sign of some psychosis or another, but I love it. Even now 15 years later, I still shake my head when Jamie Oliver starts chopping. The man is insane. The trouble starts when you shift from watching to actually trying it yourself, and most first efforts ain’t pretty. We never let that stop us though, even when something is pretty awful we still eat it and congratulate ourselves. Before long you go from baking bread and making pasta to brining pickles, curing meats and making cheese, our latest venture. And it is definitely slower but in the good way.

Once you become an official slow food practitioner, the next step is killing and processing your own meat, and several local ranches now offer this option. They set you up in a blind, run the different animals by until you see one you like and then kapow. Next thing you know, you’re up to neck in ribs and chops as the saws and grinders are whining. So far this option hasn’t appealed to me, at least with the big animals. Perhaps I could start with poultry though. In my youth I was quite a chicken choker.